


The Harrowing

by lonelysector23



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Circle of Magi, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Fade Demons, Harrowing, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Suicidal Thoughts, The Fade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 14:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12134325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelysector23/pseuds/lonelysector23
Summary: Lily is called upon to undergo her Harrowing.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**Loosely based on recent life events**Trigger Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, depression, emotional manipulation.Please read with caution.





	The Harrowing

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, depression, emotional manipulation. 
> 
> Please read with caution.

“Trevelyan. Please come with us.”

Lily’s fingertips hesitated on a page of the large tome she was studying. She had been expecting this for weeks now.

She had heard the swirl of rumors around her, had listened to the quiet murmurs whenever she walked through the Circle’s grand library.

Lily had known and her body still froze when she heard the Senior Enchanter’s order. The woman’s sharp voice held a sense of authority that was near impossible to ignore, yet Lily stared blankly at the page she had been reading a few moments ago and made no move to turn around.

Heavy armor clanked softly as she sensed the templars shifting behind her. She has been here since she was eight years old. Eleven years had passed and they apparently still didn’t realize that she was no threat. They kept behaving as if she was a dangerous criminal who might snap at any moment because she was born with something she had never asked for.

She never asked for flames to erupt from her hands. 

She never asked for those flames to burn Raphael’s skin. 

She never asked to be taken away from her weeping parents.

She never wanted to hurt anyone.

Despite this knowledge, Lily silently closed the heavy book, not bothering to mark her place and turned to face Senior Enchanter Lydia and the two templars that accompanied her. A heavy sense of resignation settled in her chest for whatever the next few hours would bring her. She knew little about Harrowings, about as much as the rest of the apprentices living in the tower. It was something that was regarded with fear, especially since the apprentices who passed the trial were the only ones they saw again. No one was sure what could have happened to the ones who never came back. Every time there was a newly unoccupied bunk in their quarters, she would overhear hushed whispers about what could have happened to the missing apprentice.

_“Perhaps she was transferred to a new Circle.”_

_“Maybe he was made tranquil and was sent to serve the Chantry.”_

_“What if he was allowed to go back to his family?”_

The silence that followed the last remark had always been heavy. No one could bring themselves to say the alternative, the one thing that settled in each of their minds but would never be said out loud: _What if they were killed?_

Lily never wanted to believe it - if it were true, it would be too cruel and unjust. But then again, most of the apprentices were brought to the Circle against their will. They were kept prisoner and had simple freedoms taken away. They would never feel the sun’s warmth on their skin, would never feel the cool breeze of a spring day moving through their hair. Worst of all, they would never see their loved ones again - the last memories of them would be from the day the templars took them away, and they would be alone for the rest of their lives. Those things were cruel and unjust enough on their own.

Perhaps being slain was a mercy.

Her heart began to beat faster and her limbs felt heavy as she slowly walked forward. She hesitated briefly when she noticed a subtle softness in Lydia’s stern expression and quickly turned her gaze to the floor. There was no reason for this woman to look at her that way. Lydia may have been the person who allowed her to keep a few of her parent’s belongings when they passed away, but as far as Lily knew, she was just another apprentice under Lydia’s watchful eye.

Her mother’s locket remained settled underneath her robes, right against her skin, with a small piece of parchment containing a quote from her father’s favorite poetry book. She fought the urge to raise her hand and grasp it - she has miraculously managed to keep it hidden from the templars for years and even though Lydia knew about it, she did _not_ want to risk losing the one thing she treasured more than her own life.

Lily followed the Senior Enchanter down the dimly lit hallway and paid no attention to the two templars who escorted her down the hall. Her mind wandered back to her childhood, a time of pure innocence and joy - a time she wished she could go back to. At the tender age of seven, the biggest worry Lily had back then was her mother finding out that she and Raphael had accidentally trampled the flower garden again during a game of tag. Lily didn’t remember much about the hopes and dreams she may have had at that age, but she was certain that dying at the age of nineteen had not been one of them.

Her seven year old self never thought she would lose everything in a year’s time. She didn’t know that flames would sprout from her fingertips, that she would burn her closest cousin with that same fire, that she would be locked away for the rest of her life, or that her parents would pass away a few years later from grief, after finally realizing they would never see their only daughter again.

She has been imprisoned in the Circle for eleven years.

In the years before her parents’ death, she had always kept her head down, tried not to attract attention to herself and somehow managed to keep hold of a sliver of hope that she would somehow manage to leave this place and see her family again.

At the age of ten, that hope was extinguished like the flame of a small candle in a sudden draft the moment Senior Enchanter Lydia broke the news to her and gave her a small box containing her mother’s locket and her father’s beloved poetry book. They were gone… and the last memory she had of them was of their anguished faces while they screamed her name as the templars took her away. That was the day her faith in the Maker had nearly crumbled into dust.

She had found a small piece of parchment stored in the locket that held her father’s handwriting. A tiny bit of advice, almost as if he knew he would soon be called to the Maker’s side.

He would never know there wasn’t any light in her life anymore.

There was only despair and fury.

Despair for losing all she had and loved - her freedom, and her family.

Fury towards the Maker for creating her the way she was, and then punishing her and her family for it. For taking her parents away. For giving them a daughter who would cause them pain.

And now, as she followed the Senior Enchanter to the highest floor in the Circle, those feelings were replaced with resignation, acceptance… and the yearning to be free.

Silence grew with every flight of stairs they ascended despite the loud jangle of armor and heavy footsteps. Lily’s breathing grew heavier with every step they took, and she could feel her quickening heartbeat in her chest, could feel a current of fear or anticipation - she couldn’t tell which - for the unknown running underneath all of her skin.

It wasn’t until they finally arrived at a large set of heavy iron doors that Lily wished she would have looked at something else besides the stone floor as she walked. She should have looked at the people she passed by, looked through the small window that would have shown her the moon and the steep mountains illuminated by its light.

Now all that would remain was the cold, hard stone.

The heavy doors opened with a groan and the Senior Enchanter stepped inside. Lily hesitated briefly before following, and allowed herself to take in her surroundings. The large circular room was lit by small braziers along the walls. The dull, stained glass windows would do little to illuminate the space, even with daylight. It would be impossible to even see what existed beyond them. The room was empty except for First Enchanter Daria, Knight-Commander Andris and three other templars. A single, small stone basin with a light blue glow around the lip stood in the center of the room.

“Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.”

Lily flinched slightly at Knight-Commander Andris’s deep baritone. His voice resounded throughout the room as he continued speaking. “Thus spoke the prophet Andraste as she cast down the Tevinter Imperium, ruled by mages who had brought the world to the edge of ruin.” He began to pace slowly as he continued to speak, but Lily wasn’t focusing on his words anymore.

She couldn’t help but stare at the large sword strapped at his hip. If what the apprentices suspected was true, would that sword be the one meant for her?

“…Demons in the Fade seek to use you as a gateway to this world.”

Lily looked at the Knight-Commander upon hearing those words and said nothing.

“Lily Trevelyan, this is the purpose of the Harrowing,” First Enchanter Daria stepped forward, dark eyes holding Lily’s stare. “During this ritual you will be sent to the Fade. There you will face a demon, your will being your main weapon.”

_Demon?_

The suspicion that was settled in every apprentice’s mind suddenly seemed heavier, almost suffocating. But Lily had to hear the truth for herself.

“What happens if I do not defeat the demon?”

“The demon will possess you, turning you into an abomination. If that occurs, or if you take too long to return, we will be forced to slay you.” the Knight-Commander replied. As if to prove his point, the templars behind him shifted, one of them moving to rest his hand on the hilt of his sword. It seemed that one had been assigned to the task, and if Lily wasn’t mistaken, he seemed a little eager to complete it.

It was true, then. All the people who never came back, who were never seen again, were in fact dead. It was all the confirmation Lily needed.

Tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she willed her face to remain neutral. Even though she had never been close to any of the other apprentices, she still remembered the faces of the ones who never came back.

The Knight-Commander walked toward the stone basin in the center of the room. “This basin contains Lyrium. It will be your gateway into the Fade.”

Lily was silent as she stared at the blue glow emanating from the basin. She was vaguely aware of footsteps behind her and tensed when the Senior Enchanter touched her shoulder gently.

“You are ready.”

Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t. But what Lydia didn’t know was that Lily wasn’t planning on coming back.

There was nothing left for her here, not since her parents left. The mere idea of spending the rest of her life here the way she has been for the past eleven years was almost enough to drive her insane.  

Lily loosened a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding and walked to the stone basin, well aware of everyone’s eyes on her. She felt every beat of her racing heart travel throughout her whole body as she looked down at the swirling blue liquid, observing how its glow illuminated her robes. It almost seemed as if it had a life of its own. Her hand shook as she raised it, and her mind began screaming at her as she slowly dipped her fingertips into the basin.

She gasped as the lyrium was absorbed into her skin and jerked her hand back in surprise. Her whole body was shaking uncontrollably now, and she couldn’t figure out if it was her own terror causing it or if it was the lyrium invading her system. Her palm began to glow blue and a cold numbing sensation began to crawl its way up her arm, quickly spreading throughout her whole body.

An overwhelming exhaustion washed over her, and she barely managed to lower herself onto the stone floor before succumbing completely.

 

* * *

 

This place felt wrong, unnatural.

Lily found it hard to breathe here. It was suffocating and weightless. The air smelled of dust and smoke. Darkness was all around her - she could barely make out the path in front of her thanks to an eerie, dull glow in random places on the dirt floor. Her palm itched to summon a small flame to illuminate the space around her, but she didn’t want to see what would be revealed underneath the shadows.

Her steps were small and careful as she decided to see where the path would lead her. She could barely make out the large spikes of jagged rock sticking out of the dirt floor and had to maneuver her way around them as she continued to follow the dark path. The dreary glow along the floor eventually faded into nothing, and she realized she was going to have to illuminate the rest of the way on her own.

A small wisp of flame grew in her left palm, and she took a deep breath to steady herself before looking up from the ground.

The walls were nothing but blackened rock, rough and smooth in some areas, but oddly warped in others. They felt strangely alive, as if they were constantly trying to take on a shape that was not perfected yet. She continued to walk, carefully avoiding the sharp ends of rock when she noticed they were getting smaller and less frequent.

She hesitated when she saw bits of green in the cracked dirt floor. Scattered blades of grass grew more frequent as she continued forward, eventually becoming thick and plentiful. The air had a different scent to it - cleaner, with a hint of sweetness. The darkness around her gradually turned brighter, almost as if the sun had risen and she found the small flame she had conjured wasn’t necessary anymore.

Lily stared at the green grass around her in complete awe. The last time she had seen anything like this was when the templars came for her. She was about to reach down to touch it when she heard a slight creaking noise some distance away. Her gaze snapped up to find the source and what she saw made her feel as if she had just received a blow to the chest.

Emotion threatened to overwhelm her as she looked upon her childhood home. A large stone estate, surrounded by trees and numerous flower bushes that her mother had tended herself so frequently. Her mother’s garden was vibrant and full of color, just as it had always been. It had always looked like this before she and Raphael began running around the yard.

Even though Lily felt overcome with the sight before her, she knew something wasn’t right. Everything was too still and silent - no chirping birds, no breeze blowing through the trees or through the numerous flowers surrounding her home.

_This isn’t your home._

A fresh wave of uneasiness washed over her when she heard distant humming coming from inside the house, and her heart began to pound as tears welled in her eyes. It was a voice that she knew, one that was seared in her memory with notes of anguish and terror. Now, it carried a melody that was regularly sung to her when she was a child. She scanned her surroundings before hurrying to the front door, stopping abruptly when she noticed it was slightly ajar. Her hand shook as she pushed the door open and she tried to breathe evenly before stepping inside.

The large entrance hall was suffocating and cold despite the lit candles spread throughout the room. Their small flames were completely still. The windows along the walls were dark, holding no view of the trees or flowers outside. The air felt strangely still as she walked through the room, and slightly distorted furniture decorated the space - curved sofas and chairs, a table that somehow stood standing while missing two legs and holding what was probably meant to be an intricate vase, with only small, painted flowers decorating one small spot near the base. Bookcases held books with blank and colorless spines. Lily didn’t remember much of the furniture that was in her home, and it seemed as if this place was depicting it.

Lily’s entire body was shaking and she was having difficulty breathing. This place was merely a shell of something that was dear to her, something that she could barely remember anymore. The song continued to float through the space, and she turned to a hallway that led to the sitting room, if she remembered correctly. Paintings that were nothing but a combination of colorful and dark smears sparsely decorated the walls. A table that was settled against the wall was abnormally tall, almost reaching her shoulder. She walked slowly down the candle-lit hallway and opened the first door she came across.

There was nothing there. Just a solid, white wall. The sight of it unnerved her enough to make her close the door.

The melody was louder now, and there was the flicker of a lit fireplace coming from an open door at the end of the hall that she didn’t see before. She braced herself as she headed towards it, a heavy sense of dread settling in her stomach.

The humming transformed into singing just as she was about to turn to look inside the room and Lily felt as if her chest was about to cave in on itself as tears filled her eyes once more.

_“But goodnight, goodnight_

_Sweet dreams for now_

_Drift off to sleep…”_

Lily tried to take deep breaths as she pressed her sleeves to her eyes. The grief in her chest felt raw, like an enormous wound that has had its scabs violently scraped off.

She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t she couldn’t she couldn’t -

“Lily?”

There stood her mother, Edith.

She looked just like how Lily remembered. Her face was kind and warm. Laugh lines graced the sides of her mouth and the corners of her honey eyes as she smiled. Half of her dark brown hair was swept back into a loose bun, the rest falling in soft curls around her shoulders. She was wearing a simple blue dress, just as she always did whenever she wanted to spend a comfortable day at home. The locket she had always worn sparkled as it caught the warm light coming from the fireplace.

Lily was frozen as she gaped at her mother, and everything else was forgotten. Sobs threatened to break free from her chest and her voice broke when she was finally able to speak.

“Momma?”  

“My darling flower.” Edith’s smile grew as she took Lily’s hand in hers.

A small gasp escaped Lily upon feeling her mother’s warm touch. Her mind felt as if it was reeling - she had to be dreaming, there is no way this could be real. She took a brief moment to look at her surroundings as she held her mother’s hand tightly, needing to grasp onto some sense of reality.

Flowers adorned the small table next to the sofa, fresh and vibrant as if they had just been cut. A thick bearskin rug covered the floor underneath their feet, complete with the red wine stain that Raphael had set after accidentally knocking over a wine glass. Trees and flowers were visible from the window and she could see their leaves rustling faintly in the breeze. A few paintings decorated the walls, some showing rolling hills, others depicting a busy town, and one being her portrait, painted when she was about five years old. All she could remember from that time was being unable to sit still while the painter tried to get her features right. The painting had turned into an all-day event, the painter only leaving when he was finally satisfied with his work.

“Ah, you always were a squirmy one,” Edith said, as she followed Lily’s gaze, taking a moment to admire the painting before looking back at her with warm eyes. “Lovely then, and lovely now.”

Lily’s vision blurred as tears threatened to spill over. She need to say something - _anything_. She needed to tell her mother how much she has missed her and father, how sorry she was for destroying their family. There was so much she needed to say but she just couldn’t find the words to do so.

“Momma, I - ”

“Hush now, darling. Everything will be alright,” she murmured, as she reached for her face, her thumbs gently brushing her tears away.

Lily’s eyes slid shut and a sob escaped her chest upon receiving such gentle affection from her mother, someone she thought she would never see again.

“Shhhh, everything will be alright as long as you stay here with me.” Edith said quietly, as she stroked Lily’s hair.

Lily wiped at her eyes with her sleeves. “Where’s father?”

“You’ll be seeing him soon. He’s been waiting for you, as have I.”

Lily opened her eyes to see a sad smile on her mother’s face as she stepped forward, her arms slightly outstretched as if to embrace her. The flicker of hope she felt at being reunited with her whole family was quickly extinguished the moment she glanced behind her mother, at the low bookcase beneath the window.

Books.

Books… with blank and colorless spines.

_No no no no_

Terror creeped down Lily’s spine as she stepped backwards, just out of her mother’s reach and watched confusion flicker across her face as she lowered her arms slightly.

“Lily, what’s wrong?”

Lily said nothing, her heart hammering inside of her chest as she stared at her mother.

_She’s not your mother._

“Darling, everything will be alright,” Edith said softly, reaching for her. “You just need to come with me.”

Lily took another step back despite the heaviness that had settled in her limbs, noticing how her mother’s eyes followed her movements. “I - I can’t stay.”

“And where will you go?” Edith snapped.

Lily flinched at her sudden change in tone.

“Back to the Circle?” Edith’s gentle expression had turned hard as she held out her hand, reaching for her once more. “You will be free and happy _here_. Don’t you remember what that’s like?”

Lily _did_ remember. The memories were fainter now that she was older, but she remembered what it was like to be happy and free. She also remembered how warm and loving her mother was.

The thing before her now emanated something cold and harsh. It was something malignant wearing her mother’s face.

Lily tried to keep her breathing even as she took another step back.

“What’s the matter, my darling flower? Isn’t this what you have been wishing for all these years?” the thing asked, extending its hand further as it cocked her mother’s head unnaturally.

_Stop stop stop stop_

Lily was frozen as she stared down at its outstretched hand.  

 

* * *

 

The large circular room was quiet and tense as the apprentice remained motionless on the stone floor. Her steady breathing was the only thing that told everyone present that she may still be herself.

At least for now.

Minutes passed by and the five templars began to walk towards her unmoving form slowly, cautiously, just as they have been trained to do after a certain amount of time had passed. They formed a large circle around her as they watched her intently, looking for any signs that she might suddenly wake with a hunger for violence and carnage.

The templar who was tasked with the possible execution rested his hand on the hilt of his sword, preparing to draw it as he looked at the grim Knight-Commander.

The Knight-Commander and the two Enchanters observing the scene exchanged glances between them, communicating a silent agreement before looking at the apprentice who remained completely still.

No one noticed the subtle worried expression the Senior Enchanter kept carefully hidden underneath her stern features.

The Knight-Commander shook his head. “Not yet.”

 

* * *

 

An inhuman shriek of agony filled the air as flames licked at the demon’s withered skin.

It was only a few seconds ago that Lily was hearing her mother’s growing screams. They had been filled with the exact same anguish and loss that has been seared into Lily’s memory ever since she was torn away from her family. The screaming had grown louder, unnatural, as the distance between them grew with every step that Lily had taken, until her mother’s form finally morphed into a monstrosity with numerous rows of jagged teeth, papery skin and tattered robes.

The estate they had been in had dissolved into dust the moment the demon revealed its true form. The green grass withered and died, the flowers shriveled and crumbled, the trees shed their leaves and turned dark, their naked branches reaching for a darkened, greenish gray sky.

Fear coursed through her body, threatening to cut off her air.

How many times had she wished she would disappear from the world? There were far too many to count and now that there was a very strong possibility that she might, she wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted anymore.

The demon continued to writhe in the weakening flames Lily had conjured just as it had prepared to throw a spear of ice, its screams never ceasing even as the fire began to die down. Tendrils of smoke billowed out from its robes as the demon’s beady black eyes were suddenly fixated on her, almost as if it hadn’t been burning alive just moments ago.

“You claim to miss her, yet you set her aflame,” the demon hissed, causing a chill to creep down Lily’s spine upon hearing it’s raspy voice. “Your own mother.”

Whatever fear Lily had been feeling in that moment was quickly replaced with fury. She glared at the monster in front of her as smoke began to curl from her fingertips.

“You were _never_ my mother,” she snapped.

“And yet… you still believed that I was.”

The demon’s piercing screeches resumed as Lily summoned a blazing ring of fire around it. Just as she was about to set it aflame once more, the demon suddenly twirled through the air, effectively escaping her flames and landing several yards away. A burst of cold suddenly hit her in her chest and she gasped as she felt the iciness travel to her limbs, causing her to move slowly. She tried to move away when she noticed the blast of cold was coming from the demon’s deformed mouth, but it merely followed her with every step she took. Heavy breaths left her chest as she managed to cast a barrier around herself, but not before an icy spike stabbed her right through her shoulder.

A scream of agony erupted from her as she felt the icy blade rip through her flesh. Rage coursed through her at an intensity she has never felt before, and she felt the growing heat of her magic in her hands, demanding to be set free to destroy this demon, this _thing_ that has violated her childhood and her mother’s memory in such a cruel manner.

It took the memories of her home and someone she loved - memories that were filled with warmth and joy - and twisted them into something wrong, distorted, and evil.

Now, it was trying to take something else away - her life, which was something that was hers and hers alone. Her life was not something she was going to give.

Lily felt the weight of her father’s words safely tucked inside her mother’s locket that rested on her chest.

She would not die here, and she would not stay.

Hope existed as long as she was still alive, and she wouldn’t allow this abhorrent thing to take that away from her. Not when she has already lost so much.

The spike in her shoulder melted away as she suddenly unleashed the eager magic from her palms, encasing the shrieking demon in a roaring inferno that swirled all around it, leaving it no room to escape. The flames illuminated everything around her, from the dead grass to the darkened sky above as the demon’s piercing screams eventually faded into nothing, only leaving the sound of raging flames.

Lily breathed heavily, about to dismiss her inferno when she suddenly saw it.

A pair of glowing eyes, peering at her through the wall of fire she had summoned.

She stared back in absolute horror and disbelief, her whole body throbbing with every quick beat of her heart as a body of fire and molten rock slid through firestorm she had conjured.

It stopped some distance away as it beheld her.

“Do not look so surprised, foolish child. Despair and rage have been a part of you since you were young,” its deep, growling voice rumbled through the air as its arms dripped liquid fire onto the ground. “We have been watching you for some time, and now that you are here, we will claim you as ours.”

Lily dismissed the fire behind the new demon that now stood before her, trying to restore her magic. She was suddenly thankful she had taken the time to study ice spells during her time in the Circle’s library. Fire may have been her strongest element, but knowing a few cold spells was better than nothing.

She willed herself to remain calm despite her racing pulse as the demon began to slide slowly towards her.

She raised her hand, summoning the icy magic in her palm. “You will not have me.”

The demon flinched as a spear of ice shot into its body, only hesitating briefly before resuming its steady crawl to her. “Do not be so sure, weakling. The templar is preparing to end you as we speak.”

Lily froze, a sense of unease washing over her entire body as she remembered the Knight-Commander’s words.

_“…if you take too long to return, we will be forced to slay you.”_

How long has she been here?

Panic began to settle in her mind as she watched the demon slide closer. Her body shook as she backed away a few steps, her back suddenly bumping into a rough wall of blackened rock that she could have sworn was not there before. She began to feel the searing heat the demon radiated from its body, and her mind screamed at her as the fiery demon raised its arms, hands tipped with claws that dripped molten rock onto the floor.

Lily’s heart felt as if it was about to burst out of her as the demon began to bring his claws down towards her, aiming right for her chest. She braced herself as she fade stepped through the demon, managing to put enough distance between them.

The demon’s roar of agony and fury shook her to her very core despite it being far away. Blackened rock appeared on its torso as it spun around, its glowing eyes brighter than before as it moved towards her at a frightening speed.

Lily tried to keep calm as she waited for the demon to get closer. The temperature around her rose much quicker than before as it neared, and just as the demon made to lunge for her, shards of solid ice erupted from the dirt floor, surrounding it within a circle of ice.

Howls of fury sounded from within, and she could see the demon swiping at the frozen walls with its claws, trying to break free. Lily was unable to keep the ice from melting - she would have to act quickly.

“YOU ARE OURS!” the demon roared, as it furiously kept clawing at the slowly melting ice.

Lily watched through the ice as the demon’s body began to cool into darkened rock before she repeated the same words as before.

“You will not have me.”

The demon’s furious howls cut off abruptly as it was completely frozen solid. A slight cracking noise sounded through the air before the wall of ice, along with the frozen demon, shattered into pieces.

Lily stared at frozen shards on the floor before she looked up, dread settling in her stomach once more upon sensing movement around her.

The rocks were shifting, and the sky was slowly getting darker.

_Run run run run_

Lily looked around frantically, searching for the cave she had emerged from when she first arrived and raced towards it the moment she spotted it, summoning a large flame in her hand to light the way.

The entrance seemed to be shrinking. She ran down the hall, ignoring the sharp pain in her ribs as the walls slowly grew closer together. Jagged pieces of rock began sprouting from the ground behind her, and were beginning to appear in front of her as well. She moved as swiftly as she could, dodging and weaving through the growing spikes that now began to grow from the walls.

It was almost as if they were reaching for her.

She gasped for air as she finally reached the small clearing she had been in before, and saw that the dark space she had been so afraid of looking at before turned out to be more jagged pieces of rock. Sharp spikes began to sprout through the walls slowly.

It was then when she saw a purple section of warping rock in front of her, and she breathed heavily as she ran towards it, hoping she wasn’t too late.

 

* * *

 

The tense feeling in the air was thicker and heavier now that the apprentice’s time was nearing at its end.

The five templars remained stationed around her body, one of them ready to obey the order to give the killing blow the moment it was given.

Minutes continued to pass by, and the apprentice remained unmoving on the cold stone floor. The Knight-Commander looked to the Enchanters, their expressions solemn as they exchanged glances.

The Senior Enchanter returned her gaze to the young woman’s still form while the others looked toward the templars surrounding her. No one noticed the subtle grief she kept carefully hidden underneath her stern features.

The Knight-Commander took a breath, ready to give the order to the templar who had his hand poised and ready on the hilt of his sword.

It was then when a sudden gasp cut through the heavy silence in the room.

The young woman, now a mage, gaped at the ceiling as she gasped for air before her eyes slid closed again.

The templars backed away from her, one of them releasing the hilt of his sword as they all returned to their previous positions.

And again, no one noticed the Senior Enchanter’s subtle relief and joy she kept carefully hidden underneath her stern features.

 

* * *

 

Lily felt warm and comfortable when she awoke, despite having slept in her robes. She felt slightly disoriented before everything that had happened in the last few hours came crashing into her. Her body froze as she remembered her mother, the screaming demons, the spikes of rock that had reached for her as she tried to escape the Fade.

She had survived her Harrowing.

It all felt as if it had just been a nightmare. She hoped she would forget most of it with time, but knew that the demon impersonating her mother would be something she might not ever forget.

Now, more than ever, she would need to hold on to the joyful memories that she knew were real.

She strained to listen to everything around her, only deciding to turn when she heard a few snores throughout the room. Rows of bunks were settled against the walls, each with a sleeping person nestled within the blankets. Some fidgeted in their sleep while others continued to snore.

Nervousness settled in her stomach as she realized this would be her last night here, in this bed. Tomorrow, she would be moved to the senior mage quarters on the second floor.

Her hand closed around her mother’s locket, and she ran a thumb across its surface before she carefully rose from her bed and silently made her way to the washroom on the other side of the room. The last thing she wanted right now was for a templar to investigate the source of any noise.

Low burning candles illuminated the space, and she walked towards the furthest corner of the room after she made sure the room was empty, wanting as much privacy as possible.

Lily pulled out the locket from beneath her robes with a gentle tug and held it in her palm, the smooth metal warm from being against her skin. The brief memory of seeing her mother wearing this locket in the sitting room that held books with blank and colorless spines jabbed at her memory. She shook her head, forcing the memory away as she chose to remember the same locket dangling from her mother’s neck as she tended to her flower garden… right before she scolded her and Raphael for accidentally trampling a few flowers.

A small smile tugged at her lips as she remembered that day.

She smoothed her thumb over the intricate flower design before opening the locket with careful fingers. The small piece of parchment remained inside, intact and neatly folded despite its age. Emotion welled up in her throat as she carefully unfolded the paper, tears filling her eyes upon reading her father’s last words to her.

           _‘Darkness exists to make light truly count.’_

**Author's Note:**

> This is by far the hardest thing I've written. Many things have happened in my life this year, and needless to say... it has been rough. I thought it might have helped to put it in writing. 
> 
> Even though I know that was not a happy piece, I really appreciate you guys reading it.
> 
> ****
> 
> Lily's lullaby: Sleeping At Last - Lullaby
> 
> Her father's quote: Sleeping At Last - Uneven Odds


End file.
